There are always two sides to the crime of cheating:
1) You’re the victim
2) You’re the perpetrator
In this article, I want to share how to deal with cheating whether you’re on the receiving end or the person doing the cheating.
Cheating is not forever! When I say ‘not forever’, I mean, the pain doesn’t last forever…the cheating tendencies aren’t forever…
Recently, I received a letter from a young gentleman who has been cheating on his long term girlfriend and asked me if there was any hope for him since he no longer wants to be disloyal. I believe people can change. I believe people can be aware, learn and grow into a more honest person with themselves and with their partners. Hence, once a cheater DOES NOT mean always a cheater.
Look, the fact that he is reaching out and being proactive towards changing, that’s a great first step! Sometimes, people slip and make mistakes. Often times, cheating is the bi-product of an unsatisfying and/or unhealthy relationship. Not to say, this excuses his actions..it’s STILL WRONG! He needs be honest and end that relationship ASAP.
Most people I know who have cheated, only did it once and sincerely regrets it. Vowing, never to to cheat again. They saw the pain and harm it did to their significant other and couldn’t take it back. Most likely, they lost a great catch only to be alone to reflect on the mistakes and LEARNED. So here’s how to deal with it from both sides of the cheating pole:
IF YOU HAVE BEEN CHEATED ON:
1. Confront and reflect
Yes, it’s painful. With this healing process, dig deep and see if there were any factors or things you could have done differently. What was missing in the relationship? Could you have done things differently? Take all these into consideration, so you apply your growth and what you’ve learned to future relationships.
2. Heal
Bottom line is, you two weren’t meant for each other and that’s OK! Cut all ties with your cheater-ex so that you can fully heal and potentially establish a friendship much later on. The faster you accept it and release all the negative energy, the faster you’ll survive the break-up. There are people out there who are more deserving of the wonderful-you.
3. Open to trust again, just be cautious
I know it’s natural to close up and not trust anyone after all the hurt. But resist! You’ll limit yourself if you shut people out! Take your time to know someone new and open to someone who deserves your trust.
IF YOU ARE CHEATING AND WANT TO CHANGE:
1. Be honest with yourself and your partner
Realize that you’re hurting your significant other the longer you hide this. Let them know as soon as you can, so the both of you can start the healing process. Understand that if you’re going to work it out and stay in that relationship, earning back his/her trust is going to be near impossible!
2. Learn and better yourself
Reflect and understand why you cheated and how that affected the both of you. Learn and vow not to make those same mistakes!
3. Don’t rush into a relationship
Don’t get into a committed relationship unless you’re truly ready and he/she is someone you can focus on. Many couples rush only to find out that they’re not compatible and the honeymoon stage is over before it began!
While it seems like you’re gaining more with double-crossing, you’ll actually lose everything in the end!
REMEMBER: Be mindful of other people’s hearts as you’d like others to handle yours!
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